"Why do they, why do they, always kick me in the groin when I come near, now Im not complaining it just starts to Hurt after a bit"-Tom

Tom- Hey what's the best gift you can give anyone for Christmas?
Mark- What?
Tom- An orgasm!
Mark- Hey, you put one of those in my stocking last year.
Tom- Yeah (laughs)
Mark- I'm wearing it right now!

"You only know us for this one song, but we've been here six years long... ahh who cares everyone's getting laid tonight!"-Tom

"Were not stars.... were all just dorks in a band" - Mark

We just write down a bunch of words, and pray to god they make sense. And if we don't, it doesn't matter, were artists. -Tom Fanatic

"If at first you don't succeed, pay someone else to do it for you"-Mark

"We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth" -Mark

"See it has nothing to do with how hard you work it all life has to do with is which ass you kiss"-Mark fanatic

"Make yourself look really stupid so you don't feel bad doing something a little stupid."-Mark

"To tell you the truth, this album has less joke stuff than the other albums, but at the same time we promise that we haven't gotten any more mature -- although people might think so after listening to the music." -Tom

Its the Boobie Monster!! -Tom DeLonge in Concert (submitted by Amber! )

Remember 2 eat ,sleep,& blink. -travis,mark,tom(submitted by alexia! )

"Some people think we're idiots and perverts, which we are." Tom Delonge.(submitted by Alisha)

"Good things come to he who waits 'cause she laid me!"(submitted by Janine "Travis barker")

Everyone call Tom a F*ck Head!~Mark (submtted by Courtney)

Everyone filp the girl off in the front row with the Bad Religion shirt on! ~Mark~ (submitted By Rosalee)

I know I am not good at this, fuck you guys, I'll play over here :)~Tom Live at Gorge Amp.(submitted by me)

"To you, this is a bra, but to me, i'm a fly, bzzzzzz!" --Tom Delonge (submitted by Dana)

All the hot women come to the front row and get naked-Tom(a lot of them did)(submitted by Billie Joe Armstrong)

"I'm not gay everyone thinks i'm gay!'~Tom (submitted by kari)

"There is nothing more awkward and more laughable than a naked dude with his wiener flopping."(submttied by Bethany)

I'm installing a security system so nosey little kids don't watch me run around my house naked smearing peanut butter all over me - tom (submitted by Jason)

I want to see some naked boobies!!!~Let me guess Tom said this?(submitted by Marc)

I am gonna name her dark nipples~Tom (submitted by me)

Everything is beautiful in this band ~TRAVIS (submitted by Allison)

Mark sucks dick.~Tom in concert (submitted by Nicole)

Tom's good in bed.~Tom in concert (submitted by Nicole)

"please mom, you ground me all the time"~Tom (submitted by elliott watson)

"When my daughter get's her periode, i am gonna be like oh go and get a band-aid...maybe we should get you to the hospital" ~ Tom (submitted by Anna)

im not like you guys, twelve majestic lies- tom has sex with guys. mark added the last part in a concert (submitted by chris)

"I hate it when people try to act cool. I hope they all get gonorreah and die." ~Mark (submitted by Josie)

dont come here and pretend your hetera sexual - tom (submitted by nicole)

"I hope everyone catches gonorrhea and dies" ~Mark (submitted by Dan)

"wow, hey you look great tonight. that's obsane, i never saw that sort of position before!" -tom (submitted by Kassidy)

"I dont have a girlfriend, i have a dog."~Mark Hoppus (submitted by Alicia Hoppus)

"...This worlds an ugly place but you're so beautiful TO TRAVIS!"~Mark (submitted by Kerryn)

"I get payed to hang out with my best friends...."-Mark (submitted by Kerryn)

"i'm a gayboy and your mother eats chedder bunions"~tom (submitted by Maryjane)

"You can olny lean on me for so long."~Tom (submitted by Roxy)

"Fuck everyone and everything. I hope you all catch ghonnorea and die." -Mark in Rolling Stone (submitted by emily)

This song's really hard to play so if you all shut the fuck up maybe I can concentrate. (then he starts to play what's my again?)-Tom in concert (submitted By Katie)

Tom-"Hey, everyone, Mark's still looking for a girlfriend" Mark- "Or at least a blowjob" (submitted by Thomas)

Tom: hey i fucked your mom. Mark: My moms dead. TOM: oh thats why she was crap" (submitted by haylee)

"The state looks down on sodomy" (submitted by Paul)

thats what it sounds like when i get done having sex. 15,000 people cheering me on! I can take all of you in my bed right f*in now and your not invited Mark -Tom (submitted by Dan)

"WERE ALL GONNA GET LAID" (submitted by chewy)

Boobies! Your way too young,~Tom Put those 13 year old Boobes away, if i wanted to see 13 year old boobs i'd hang out at the junior high like my dad does,Mark (submitted by Paige)

"Hey Tom, tell all these people about the Philipines." (submitted by Mark)

"TOM HAS NO D*CK PEOPLE NO DICK AT ALL!!!!" (submitted by chris)

"come see the softer side of zeus"(submitted by Ness)

"I can take all you in my bed right f*cking now !!!" -Tom- (submitted by Lolita)

"tom has no dick, no dick at all people"~mark (submitted by John)

"Tom has a bent weener" "Marks middle name is Rebecca" (submitted by Brendi)

You know whats the best thing about being in love??~Mark oral sex?~Tom (submitted by Jeff)

"Mark has no hair on his entire body but a fuckin wolverine growing in his pants I swear to god."-Tom (submitted by Max)

"Lets say some dirty words!"-tom (submitted by Kristina)

"everybody take your pants off!"-tom (submitted by jane)

"Burp....excuse me - Tom Yeah excuse Tom... - Mark" (submitted by Minna)

"Hey if you dropped your keys, you would bend over too!"-Mark (submitted by Mike)

"My favorite cereal is Lucky Charms"-Travis (submitted by Ryan)

"This Song is really hard to play, so dont listen to me for the next 2 minutes!" - Tom (submitted by Hayden)

"Hey This songs next song is cool! Wanna hear it? well you dont have a choice!" - Mark "Yeah and if you conplain, we'll play it twice!" - Tom (submitted by Hayden)

shit, piss, F*ck, c*nt ,c*cksucker, moth*rfucker, tits, fart , turd , and twat (submitted by juan)

"I saw your boobies and my weiner ran away"~Mark (submitted by Joel)

"you have got giant boobs and i doubt your 18, do you have a note from your mom?"~Tom (submitted by lajah)

"What heads up seven up"~Tom (submitted by charles)

"Who here thinks i look very similar to Tom Cruise?"~ Tom (submitted by Mary)

"we hate mark...Mark's an @$!"~Tom (submitted by Beth)

Hey what if testicles wre things you could lose on an everyday basis?That would suck. You only got three -Tom (submitted by melissa)

"Boy bands have everything planned out...even their sex together!"-Tom (submitted by Drew)

"Take care of your colon and your colon will take care of you."- Travis (submitted by Francesca)

Mark: There's two things we have to say, firstly, anything with the human body is funny. Secondly, don't let anybody tell you how to live your life Tom: Third thing is masterbate A LOT! (submitted by Jinx)

"We're like Fisher-Price: My first punk band." - Mark (submitted by sheila)